Ecstasy
by Iamgolddd
Summary: Your not supposed to fall in love with you best friend. Especially when she's your girlfriend's best friend.   Eli-Julia. Eli-Clare.   M: Drugs, Sex, Language.
1. Chapter 1

Ecstasy

Summary: Your not supposed to fall in love with your best friend, especially when she's best friend with your girlfriend also.

Authors note: Julia is not dead in this story, Adam isn't going to be a transgender. This is indeed an EClare story, just have minor patience and you will see. I also, plan on finishing this story. I've absolutely horrible about keeping stuff going. So bare with me.

Chapter One: Spiraling

_**April 15th, 2009**_

Eli walked into his sophomore English class, silence filled the room. He was alone in this empty room expect for the brown headed girl whose head was laid on her desk, her breathing still. Eli knew the girl just by her long tousled hair and her hunched back. He sighed and walked over to her, kissing the back of her head.

"Jules, you have to wake up. Come on, I'll take you home." He said putting his hand on her shoulder. Before Julia got the energy to get out of her desk, Clare walked in. Julia's face lit up with love for her best friend.

"Clare-bare!" She smiled standing up a little to fast, nearly collapsing. "Eli's taking me home for the rest of the day. Please come?" Julia begged.

Eli shot his best friend a look that was filled with hope, all Clare could do was smile and nod. She walked over to them and helped keep Julia balanced, she was still in her drunken state from earlier this morning. Eli was pissed, he was hurt. The beautiful girl he was in love was seeping through the cracks and he couldn't do nothing about it. Not because he hadn't tried, because Julia was distance, Julia never let him in anymore. They live together and sleep in the same bed, but its been months since they carried a loving conversation. Eli tired not to fight with her. He tired to love her unconditionally, but she wouldn't even give him the time of day. He only had one thing that was keeping him up, but he was to oblivious to realize it.

Eli and Clare got Julia in the back of Morty- Eli's infamous hearse- and they pulled out of the Degrassi parking lot, Eli sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "What are we going to do with her Clare? She's spiraling out of control." Eli murmured.

"I don't know Eli. She's to damn stubborn to go to rehab, if you take her drugs and alcohol away then she'll be even worse. I'm completely lost. I hate seeing her like this." she sighed and rubbed her face. Eli grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers, they did this when things got bad with their lives. Like when Clare's parents got divorced, when Julia's parents beat her to a pulp, and when Julia started hanging out with the wrong crowd. It was an absentminded attempt to make each other feel better, because the feeling of knowing someone cares, was all they needed.

Eli pulled up to his house and got out of Morty, Clare followed and grabbed all three of their things as Eli carried Julia bridal style up to his room, laying her under the covers and turning the lights out. He made his way back out to the living room were Clare was laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling fan. "Maybe you can talk to her. I'm done fighting with her." Eli said sitting next to her.

"I'll try when she wakes up." Clare sighed closing her eyes.

Eli had fallen asleep soon after Clare did, neither of them moving from the living room floor until Cece and Bullfrog walked through the door howling with laughter. Clare bolted awake hitting Eli in the side while doing so. He groaned, he opened his eyes to see a worried Clare. "Its 7 o'clock." she said her eyes big.

"Julia." They said in unison jumping to their feet and running to Eli's room, Julia was in there. Sitting at the edge of the bed a joint in hand.

"Julia!" Eli yelled. "What the hell are you doing?" he growled walking into his room.

"Eli," Clare stopped him. "Go." she said, knowing her best friend would say or maybe even do something he'd regret. Clare shut the door after Eli walked out, and then made her way over to Julia. Taking the joint out of her hand, and putting it out. She gave Julia a look and Julia sighed. "Not you too Clare."

"Please, just tell me. I'm your best friend." Clare pleaded.

"Its nothing, they just make me feel better. Like Eli used to."

"Jules? He doesn't make you feel better because your pushing him away. He loves you, wants to help you. Let him in." Clare said grabbing her best friend's hand.

"Not as much as he loves you." Julia mumbled incoherently. Clare didn't hear her. "I understand that Clare. I love him more then ever, taking me in and letting be a major part of his life. But I miss my parents, my dad, even my step monster. Their my family and they don't want me. She tried to kill me! Three months later and I cant get over it. I cant load off of Eli and the Goldsworthy's forever. I feel Eli leaving me, god. I know he'll get sick of me." Julia was crying.

"Julia." Clare pulled her in for a hug. "Eli loves you more then his own life. If he could he would take the drugs himself so you wouldn't hurt. He would take a bullet, be grateful for that. Because in the end, love is all that matters. And I would kill for a guy like Eli, he loves you. You guys are going to get through this, okay?" Clare sighed. "Eli would end everything just to make you happy Jules. Don't push him away."

Julia smiled and nodded grabbing Clare and hugging her. "I love you Clare-bear."

"I love you too. Now, I'm going home, Eli's going to come in here and you are going to talk to him."

Julia nodded and Clare got up and walked out of the room. Eli was no where insight. "Were's he at?" Clare asked Bullfrog.

"His tree house." Cece said walking in from the backyard. Clare nodded and walked to Eli's own personal get away.

Eli had his head in his knees, little tears falling from his eyes. He felt Julia leaving him, the more she got involved with the drugs, the more he was losing her and God did he hate that. Julia was the only thing that made him feel alive, besides Clare. But Clare was just a friend, a really good friend. Nothing more or nothing less, both of them new that. He head a light knock, it was Clare. He refused to look up, Clare had seen him fall before. She was the only one.

"Elijah Tyler." she smirked.

"Mm?" he said, not trusting his voice.

"Come here." she said sitting next to him, he fell in his best friends lap, crying.

"I can't lose her Clare. I love her. She's going to leave me." Eli cried, Clare's heart broke.

"She's waiting to talk to you. She wants help, she wants you. Just let her back in Eli. Okay? I'm going home."

Thirty minutes after Clare had gone, Eli pulled himself together and got out of his treehouse, going back to his house. His parents were up for the night and he walked to his room. Julia was laying in their bed, he pulled his shirt over his head and unbuckled his pants letting them fall to the floor. He pulled the covers down and crawled in next to her, wrapping his arms around and pulling her into him. Julia's hair still wet from her shower, it smelt like strawberries. Eli smiled to himself. "I've missed you." he whispered into her skin.

"I love you Eli." she said turning to him and kissing him with as much passion. Eli smiled into the kiss and gripped her hair. The two teens falling into a night of love and passion.

"I love you Jules. Forever." he said after their blissful night.

"Forever Eli." she whispered. Her eyes fixed on the night sky before her, she sighed and feel asleep in Eli's arms.

Autor's note: So, this is going to be kind of dark. Both Eli and Clare will be OOC.

REVIEWS.


	2. Chapter 2

Ecstasy

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the characters but I do own my plot and a furry lion kitty.

Chapter Two: Parties and Secrets

April 16th, 2009

Eli sat at the picnic tables outside of Degrassi Community School, taping his fingers against the beat of the music him and Julia were listening too. Her head was laying in his lap and her eye slightly closed as she hummed along to the song. Eli smirked at her and she smiled back at him.

"Eli, Julessssssssss." Clare sing walking up to the picnic table.

The two of them removed the head phones and Julia sat up, smiling at her best friend who was glowing. Eli cocked a suspicious eyebrow. "Whats up Happy?" he said.

"Nothing Grumpy." She said with a face ready to fight on.

Eli simply rolled his eyes at his best friend and Julia smiled. "Who is it?" she asked.

"How did you know?" Clare said bitting her lip.

Eli was looking at his painted nails and pretended not to hear the girls conversation, but he was tuned in.

"Your my best friend, I'm a girl. I haven't ever seen you this happy, spill." Julia said.

"Adam Torres." Clare said smiling.

Eli felt Julia tense next to him, and he gave her a questioning look.

"Aw, thats great Clare bear." she said smiling and grasping Clare's hand. "Is he taking you out?" Julia asked.

"No! Thats why I am here and not eating lunch with him and Drew," Julia's body tensed up again. "There parents are out of town, Drew's inviting Alli over and I'm inviting you two, and the six of us are going to have a small party at their house. Kay?" Clare smiled.

Julia, no longer smiled she just nodded.

"When?" Eli asked, his eyes greener then ever.

"Um, tomorrow night. Bring your swimsuit."

Eli smirked, a fake smirk a feeling he's never felt before fighting over him. He wasn't jealous, Clare had dated before he didn't care. She was just his best friend, but he's never seen her this happy. Part of him wanted to be the reason Clare was glowing. There was another part to his mood, anger. The way Julia had tensed up when Clare mentioned the Torres' brother, he didn't like that at all. Eli wasn't looking forward to tomorrow night, not at all.

April 17th, 2009

Eli sat in the passenger seat of Clare's BMW, Morty wouldn't start, he would pick today. His was flicking through the radio stations while the two best friends waited for Julia. They had all cleaned out Eli's room earlier today and Julia was having issues's over other people seeing her body. Though it never bothered Eli or Clare, other people it might.

When Julia lived at home, her and her step mom never got along. They fought everyday and all night. But Sheryl was the only mom Julia ever knew and she loved her. So she trusted her, when her mom wasn't drunk off of her ass or hitting Julia was random objects, she was a decent women. It was Julia's dads fault she was the way she was, he didn't give her the attention she needed so she took it out on Julia.

One day, Julia came home after a concert with Eli, Clare, and Clare's ex boyfriend K.C.. She was stumbled into the house, slightly drunk. Sheryl was already plastered when Julia shut the door a little to loud, and all hell broke lose. Julia didn't feel her mom hit her in the head with a vase, she didn't feel her tie her to a wooden chair, but she did feel her though a match down her shirt and her body start to burn.

That was the last night Julia ever went home, the beginning of Julia's new life.

"What the hell is taking her so long?" Eli groaned.

Clare looked at him and shrugged.

"Whats up blue eyes?" Eli asked.

"Nothing, it's just every time I've mentioned Adam around her, her body tenses. I just find it odd."

"So I'm not crazy?" Eli asked. "Because I felt that too."

"No. I think its just her coming off the coke and alcohol."

_I hope your right. _Eli thought.

At Adams & Drew's:

Julia ran her fingers over her nibbled skin on her chest and stomach, feeling ashamed. She didn't want Alli or Adam to see her skin. It was ugly, her body was hideous. She remembered when she was proud of her body, her dark skin, her toned abs, and her skinny figure. She sighed and grabbed Eli's black v-neck and threw it over her covering up her dark purple swimsuit. She didn't care though.

Walking out of Adam's room, she passed Drew's, his dark figure sitting on his bed head hung over and hands in his hair. "You coming?" Julia said smiling at him.

"Yeah, I'll out there in five minutes."

Julia nodded and made her way to the Torres' back yard and looked at Clare with her arms wrapped around Adam and smiling. She then looked at Eli, his eyes were black and Alli was blabbing about something. Julia walked over to the hot tub and got in, Clare smiled at her and Julia winked.

Eli rolled his eyes and pulled Julia into him and kissing her forehead. "I love you." he whispered in her hair.

"You too." Julia said kissing him for a second.

After Drew had join the five other teenagers, truth or dare begun. Everyone was kissing everybody, it was normal. Until one kiss lead the game to be over.

"I'm going to change." Julia said after the five other teens took their turns. Clare and Eli was sitting at the island eating pizza, Adam and Drew were laughing at Alli being covered in whip cream, while Julia still felt sick to her stomach.

After putting her clothes back on she walked out of Adam's bathroom, when she felt a body press against hers. She sighed and relaxed once she realized who it was, "I've missed you." he whispered in her ear.

She let out a small moan and dug her fingers in his hair, their lips moving fast against one another and hot. "I've missed you too." she whispered when he begin kissing her next, "but we cant do this, Eli will walk in." She moaned when his perfect teeth went into her skin. "He's already suspecting." she whispered running her hands down his back.

"Just break up with him. My mom already said if you wanted to the pool house was yours, you don't need him." he whispered.

"I cant do that, not to him." she looked him in the eyes, sparks going off in them.

"Whatever." he said before turning around, but she grabbed him and pulled him hardly on her.

"Tomorrow night I'll say I'm to Maggie's and come here and spend the night. You just have to make sure your brother keeps his mouth shut, him and Eli seemed to hit it off." Julia hissed.

"I promise babe." He whispered against her lips. "I love you Julia."

"I love you Drew." she whispered before kissing him one more time.

Out side of the room, Eli and Clare sat down at the counter. Eli had a sick feeling in his stomach and so did Clare. There little kiss didn't mean nothing, not to them. But when Eli's lips met hers he didn't want to stop, never. Clare felt the same way, but once they knew their kiss had gone on for two long they pulled away. Looking into each other's eyes. No one spoke around them and Clare stood up announcing she was going to get dressed.

Now, as she sat next to him picking at her pizza, the air was thick with tension.

Eli felt like he needed to tell her it meant nothing, because of Julia. But for the first time ever eh wondered something, if there wasn't a Julia could their be a Clare? As long as they've been friends he's never felt an attraction to Clare, yeah he thought she was gorgeous and he trusted her more then his own girl friend but that was it. Wasn't it? He was slightly confused.

"That kiss meant nothing Eli." Clare whispered feeling just as guilty and confused.

"I know. Just for the game." Eli lied to himself smirking at his best friend.

Clare smiled at him, "Just for the game." She repeated before they looked at each other for a matter of time that felt forever, when it was only ten seconds.

**Dunnnn. Well that chapter was short, and probably sucked! But, it was just a filler, the next chapter will be up next Friday and its going to be getting juicier. **

** So, REVIEWS? I think sooooo. **

** I also know this is kind of short, the next one will be longer.**


	3. Chapter 3

Ecstasy

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the characters, expect Julia's friend Maggie.

Chapter Three: Red Handed

**April 20th, 2009**

His hands were placed on opposite sides of her head, as he pushed into her gently. Julia let out a cry in pure bliss as she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. Drew smiled on top of her and placed chaste kissed on her neck and jaw line, getting little moans every now and then. Julia was usually load and crazy in bed, but with Adam and Drew's mom in the house she had to keep her voice low and her activity at a minimum. Drew thrust into her and she met his moves with her own, both of them moaning each others names.

Though their relationship was forbidden because of Eli, they believe thats what makes it work. Relationships seem to crumble under pressure of people knowing and trying to be a good enough partner, but the secret was the best part of Drew and Julia's relationship. They didn't have to worry about people judging them through their relationship, they didn't have to listen to rumors, and they didn't have to go through the awkward stage of meeting each others parents because Julia despises hers and with her growing up next door to the Torres', Drew's parents already loved her and seen her as a daughter. Though sisters and brothers didn't have sex, thats what they were like until the day neither of them will ever forget.

**January 13th, 2009**

_"Eli, you don't have to come get me. Finish your project with Clare." Julia said sitting outside of the steps of Degrassi. _

_ "You sure? I can come." Eli said on the other line. _

_ "Yeah, I'm not even finished with my art project, I'll just catch a ride from Holly J." Julia said lying. _

_ "Alright. Love you, bye." Eli said hanging up before Julia replied. _

_ "Love you too." she said to no one. _

_ The snow out side in the Canadian State* was thick and cold, she always hated this kind of weather and the fact that Eli still wasn't willing to come get her pissed her off more then she already was when their history teacher paired Clare and him up. She knew they were just friends, she knew that Clare wasn't into dating after earlier incidents, she knew that Eli was in love with her. But right now, she felt like a third wheel and it was starting to piss her off more and more each day. _

_ Trailing down the sidewalk she heard the motor of a engine behind her, she didn't look back she just keep her eyes on the road ahead of her and continued walking, until the car was driving at a small speed next to her. _

_ "Julia? Your going to get sick." Football star Drew Torres said. "Get in." _

_ She looked at him confused, she hadn't talked to Drew in almost two months since he started dating her cousin Maggie for Lakehurst, but she ignored that fact and opened the passenger door. Her nose was cold and her fingers felt like they were going to fall off in a matter of minutes. "What the hell are you doing walking in this weather?" he asked concern in his voice. _

_ "Eli had a project, Holly J never showed up, so I got stuck walking." Julia said holding her hands over the vent. _

_ "Here." Drew said pulling his Letterman jacket out of the backseat of his car. _

_ "Thanks." Julia said taking it without hesitation. _

_ The ride to the neighbors house was a short one and quiet. Drew was singing along to the song on the radio and Julia couldn't help but smile at his openness with her around. So she broke the silence, with the worst possible subject. "How are you and Maggie?" she asked. _

_ Drew sighed. _

_ "Whats wrong?" _

_ "She cheated on me last weekend. We broke up." Drew said frowning and pulling into the Torres' driveway. _

_ "Oh, I'm sorry Drew." she said, her voice sad. _

_ "Its fine, I'm over it. I wasn't in love with her ya know? So I'll be fine." Drew flashed her a reassuring smile and Julia smiled back. She never noticed how perfect his teeth were, how pretty his smile was, how good looking his was. "Do you want to come in for some hot chocolate? I'm sure my mom would love to see you." _

_ Julia ran it through her mind, go to Drew's or go home to her step monster? "Yeah, I'd like that." she smiled and pushed the door open. The two teens ran into the warm house. _

_ "I can not believe you still have this horrible picture. God," Julia said looking at the picture of Adam, Drew, and herself sitting on a float in the Torres' pool. _

_ "I love that picture. You look to repulsed to be around us." Drew giggled sitting on his bed. They had finished their hot chocolate and decided to go upstairs and look through old pictures from their childhood. _

_ "I was. Boys had cooties back then." she said laughing and sitting next to him. _

_ Drew let out a low chuckle. "I'm pissed at Eli for leaving you in the cold." _

_ "Eh, I'll get over it. He doesn't need to fail. Plus it gave us a chance to reunite." she said laughing. _

_ "Yes." Drew said turning and looking at her. She looked up from her ring and her eyes immediately met his brown ones, they went with the color of his skin perfectly, his face was perfect and his hair was slightly tossed, Julia couldn't fight the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach, a feeling she's never felt. Not even with Eli. Drew Torres was gorgeous, and for the first time in her life she was attracted to her life long friend. They both started to lean in, their warm breath coiling around the others, Julia gulped as she let Drew's lips feel over hers and she sighed at the fact she liked this. _

_ It wasn't the lack of attention she had been receiving, it wasn't a rebound, it was bliss, pure and total bliss the first time the two united friends made love in the late February afternoon. Julia could hide the urge of being happy, feeling complete. _

_ She was ready to tell Eli the next day, breaking up with him and telling him this was something she couldn't control. She figured he would be okay with it, because that day before was the first day she saw him look at Clare really look at her, she knew he was falling for her. But the day she was going to tell me after the concert, she had gotten to drunk to remember, her mom burned her that same night, she almost died. Eli brought her into his house with arms wide opened, she couldn't turn him down. Not then, and not now. _

_ Julia was completely in love with Drew, but Eli was standing in the way all because Julia was scared of losing him and Clare. _

Though Eli was their in an emotional sense, Drew was their for her all together. Letting her cry when she couldn't handle it, letting her do the drugs that she knew he didn't like. But Drew supported her healing while Eli tired to force it. Like he was trying to get rid of her, part of her wished for him to just her go so she and Drew can be happy, public but then again the fact of losing Eli forever, scared her to death.

"Wheres your head at J?" Drew asked kissing her forehead.

"January 13th." Julia said with a smile, knowing Drew would know what it meant.

"I love you Julia." Drew said tightening the grip around her waist.

"I love you too." she said placing a kiss on his naked chest.

**At Eli's; **

Clare and Eli sat in the living room floor doing their math homework, Clare had worked up a headache from all the annoying shapes that couldn't find the lengths of their missing sides. She wanted to yell at them and burn them, but she keep her cool.

Eli laid next to the sitting up Clare, he was looking up at her through his bangs, watching her face with the frustration she wore obviously. Eli had always thought Clare was naturally beautiful, with out trying she was a good person, a great friend. He had always felt protective of Clare. When Julia had told him she was moving back from the States, Eli groaned. He hated all of Julia's obnoxious friends. Maggie being the worst, she was annoying and the biggest pot head in Toronto. But Julia loved her, so Eli dealt. But with Clare, it was a different story. He remembered the day he first met her, when he barely remembered the first time him and Julia had made love. Something was different with her, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

**August 30th, 2008**

_Eli and Julia sat on the bench outside of the DOT, Eli was holding a picture of Julia's best friend Clare who she had grown up with. Clare had lived next door to Maggie Smith, until her dad got a new job in the States. Clare and Julia had always been inseparable even when they were hundreds of miles away. They talked on the phone countless hours even with the different time zones, even when Julia was with Eli they would talk. Eli grew annoyed of this unknown girl and knew with her moving here he would never see Julia. He never once thought the three of them would be inseparable. _

_ Holding the picture in his hands he looked over it, the young girl had long brown hair, glasses, braces, and a slightly large body. A purity ring was on her hand and a Bible was clenched tightly to her chest. Though, this picture was sent to Julia last year, Eli figured this girl still look the same, ugly and he also saw her as annoying. Being a Atheist, this young Christian girl was going to make him want to slit his wrists. _

_ "Julia!" Eli was broke out of his thoughts, to a girly scream coming from down the side walk. Julia squealed next to him and jumped up and ran to her long lost best friend, grabbing her and hugging her. Eli stood up slowly and shoved his hands in his pocket, ready to see the infamous Clare Edwards. Julia was blocking his view as he walked closer to her as the girls expressed their 'I miss you." _

_ Eli awkwardly cleared his throat. _

_ "Oh Clare, this is Eli, my boyfriend." Julia stepped out of the way and Eli had to remember how to breath. _

_ "Hey Eli, I'm Clare." she put her hand out. Eli took it and smirked. She looked nothing that the picture, her cinnamon curls were short and shaped to her facial structure, her eyes were free of their prison and were a bright blue that Eli felt like he was drowning in. She was as skinny as Julia, if not skinner. She was still pale, he looked at her hand and didn't see a purity ring. He wondered what that was about. Her teeth were also perfect, as Eli watched her talk to Julia. _

_ That was the day he met his best friend. _

"Earth to Elijah." Clare said punching his arm.

"Ow, Edwards." Eli said rubbing his arm in fake hurt. Clare rolled her eyes. "You know you were the first person to ever take my sarcasm as funny and actually understand it. It took Julia three months to understand it. Why is that?" Eli asked.

"Because I see through your smug cascade. Mister I drive a hearse, because I'd rather be different then obsessed with death." Clare said joking.

Eli cocked an eyebrow. "Making fun of my baby, how dare you."

"Speaking of things that are both yours and your baby, were is my darling best friend?"

"Um I'm right here, duh." Eli said laughing.

"I meant Julia." she said smiling and shaking her head.

"With Maggie, they went shopping and out to eat." Eli said sighing.

"Oh. Well I hate to tell you this, but I have to leave. I got a date with Adam." Clare said standing up. "Walk me to my car Goldsworthy?" she said sticking her hand out for him to take.

Eli nodded and took it, she pulled him up. Eli had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he didn't like Clare being with Adam and always being happy, he wanted that to be him so bad. But she admitted their kiss meant nothing, plus he was in love with Julia. So why was he having these feelings about Clare now? Eli mentally cursed himself.

He opened the drivers side door to Clare's car and she thanked him before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him. Eli smiled and took in her scent. "I'll call you when I get home to tell you all about it. Be good." Clare said getting in the car.

_Please don't. _Eli thought, "I'll try. Bye Clare." he said faking a smirk.

She put her sunglasses on and drove away heading towards Adam's house.

Clare sat on Adam's bed looking threw a book he mentioned to her a few days back when she heard him call from his bathroom, "Hey Clare,"

"Huh Adam?" she yelled back.

"Can you tell Drew were leaving, he's in his room, probably sleeping. Just go in."

"Alright." she said getting up from his bed and walking across the hall and into Drew's room, she pushed the door open.

"Oh my God." Clare said loudly before slamming the door shut.

**Authors Note: Early Chapter Eh? I had this idea venturing through my head and it fit perfectly with you getting to know more about both Julia and Drew's relationship and Eli and Clare's relationship. The drugs and the drama will be back next chapter, you have been warned. Lala, what did you think? I personally like this chapter. **

** * I don't know if Canada as states or provinces and I was to lazy to **_**Google **_**it, sorry. **

** Ignore grammar errors, I'm tired. **

** Thank you for the great reviews and the number of subscribers, this is my biggest story. **

** REVIEW. **


	4. Chapter 4

Ecstasy

Disclaimer; I don't own Degrassi, but I do own Maggie.

This chapter is full of Eli-Clare, Clare-Julia, Julia-Drew, Julia-Maggie and Eli-Julia.

Chapter Four: The Secrets you Keep

April 21, 2009

Clare sat under the Goldsworthy patio, listening to the loud music Eli had playing on his iPod. She laid on the cool concert, while Eli laid his head on her thighs. The Canadian rain hitting the metal roof on the low patio top. As Eli picked leaves off of his moms plant that laid next to their bodies, Clare absentmindedly ran hair fingers through his rich brown hair.

Eli sighed at the comfort for Clare's presences, but he missed Julia. Though he was in bliss, with her fingers running through his hair, he couldn't help but wonder why the two most important people in his life had been avoiding each other today. He shifted his eyes from the green leaf in his hands, to Clare's silent face. She looked lost in thought, he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with her.

"What's up Edwards?" Eli asked as the rain started to drown out the music from his iPod.

"Huh?" Clare asked a few seconds to late. "Oh, nothing. Just tired, Adam and I didn't get in until late." She lied, through her teeth.

"You sure?" Eli asked, trying to hide the jealously that was a caught in his throat when she talked about Adam like he was a God. "You seem kind of distant."

Clare playfully rolled her eyes, "Don't be a worry wort. I'm fine."

Eli just smirked and went back to looking up at the top of the patio.

As Eli looked opposite of her, Clare looked at him. She hated lying to Eli, more then anything. They never keep secrets, he knew about all of her past. Things that Julia didn't know, like why she wasn't a major Christian anymore, or why she never wore her purity ring anymore. Clare fully trusted Eli, the feeling was mutual. She felt like she was betraying him in every way, but she knew, that right now it was right. Clare's mine started to slowly drifted back to last night, remembering everything, so vividly.

_Clare sat on Adam's bed looking threw a book he mentioned to her a few days back when she heard him call from his bathroom. _

_ "Hey Clare," he yelled. _

_ "Huh Adam?" she yelled back. _

_ "Can you tell Drew were leaving, he's in his room, probably sleeping. Just go in." _

_ "Alright." she said getting up from his bed and walking across the hall and into Drew's room, she pushed the door open. _

_ "Oh my God." Clare said loudly before slamming the door shut_.

_On the other side of the closed door, Clare heard low mumbles and short whispers, but she was to pissed to say anything, to shock to move. Adam came out of his room, his button up shirt unbutton, "Clare are you okay?" he asked. _

_ "Did you know?" Clare hissed. _

_ "Know what?" Adam asked, he was utterly confused at his girlfriends words. _

_ Before Clare could get the words processed, the white bedroom door behind her opened. Out walked Julia wearing on of Drew's t-shirts and Drew shirtless. _

_ "Oh." Adam said lightly. _

_ "I'm leaving." Clare said pushing past Adam and grabbing her stuff off of his bed. After storming out of his room and down the marble steps she heard Julia calling her name. She abruptly stopped and spun around, ready for all hell to break loose. _

_"Clare, please." Julia whispered, almost inaudible. _

_ "Save it." Clare turned to leave put Julia's arm stopped her. _

_ "Just hear me out, your supposed to be my best friend!" Julia cried. _

_ "What do I need to hear? That I just didn't walk in on you and Drew? That your no betraying the person that loves you more then anything? You looking at Drew like you used to look at Eli? Save it, I am done with your damn lies." _

_ "Your right," Julia quickly agreed. "I wanted to tell you. I was going to break up with Eli, this started before the accident, then it happened and Eli treated me like a princess. But I saw a future with Drew." Julia inhaled then exhaled hardly. "I used to see it one with Eli, but I've seen the way he looks at you, he loves you! He's did so much, I just couldn't break up with him." _

_ Clare gasped at the words she had spoken. "You think he is in love with me? Julia stop being so naive! He came to my house for almost a month because he was losing you, he doesn't love me that way. He loves you!" Clare shouted. "Your breaking his heart, more and more everyday. And the sad thing is, you don't even care." Clare calmed her breathing and turned to leave. _

_ Grasping the door knob in her hands and turning it to leave, Julia's words stopped her once again. "Your not going to tell him, are you?" she asked. Clare was frozen, dumbfounded at her question. _

_ Turning to look at Julia she spoke softly, "No," Julia smiled. "Not now, I'll give you two days, if you don't tell him by the night of the 22nd, then I will." With that Clare left without another look. _

"Earth to blue eyes?" Eli's hands were waving in her dazed out face.

"Sorry Eli. I got you something." She said looking up at her best friend who was looking down at her.

Clare rose from her cool spot on his back porch and took Eli's hand in hers and dragged him up to his room. "Trying to seduce me huh Edwards?" Eli asked joking.

Clare giggled at his comment, then remembered what Julia said about Eli being in love with her. It hadn't phased her until now, Eli couldn't have been in love with her. Julia was the one for him, even if he wasn't the one for her. Right?

Grabbing her wallet out of her purse she pulled out two tickets and handed them to Eli. Cocking a suspicious eyebrow he took them, then smirked.

"Chuck Palahniuk?" Eli asked.

"Yes! I got them for me and Adam, but he doesn't like him. So I figured, 'Hey! Give them to Eli, he and Julia can go.' So there you go, you can thank me later!"

"Your the best." Eli said taking her into a hug.

"I know, I try." Clare smiled.

"But Julia doesn't read, I highly doubt she knows him. So you can go with me?" Eli was stocked, Clare and Eli hadn't had a good night out in a long time. He was to excited.

"Really?" Clare asked, she was glowing. Eli smiled, actually smiled, and nodded. Clare grabbed him into a tight hug again and the two best friends cheered on their plans for tomorrow.

**At Maggie's house: **

Julia dropped the white pill down her throat, waiting for the sensational feeling to keep in. Maggie had also taken the pill that does wonders and the two ran out their highs together. "I haven't felt this good in six days, God I missed it." Julia said leaning down a snorting a line.

"I cant believe you tried to stop." Maggie said giggling.

"I know how stupid of me!" Julia said laying on the bed next to her favorite cousin.

"What made you want to come back anyway?" Maggie said with a joint in her hands. "Eli do something that well, Eli again?" Maggie said giggling.

"It wasn't Eli. It was me and my stupid self." Julia said closing her eyes.

Maggie cocked a curious eyebrow, and waited for Julia to explain, but Julia wasn't going too. She was never going to tell Maggie about her and Drew, since they were over now. Maggie would be out pissed off more then anything. She would never talk to Julia again, that would've been okay if Drew and her would've worked out, but now Maggie was going to be the only person she has. Because once Clare tells Eli, it will all be over. Julia slowly came down from her state of being high, tiredness slowly taking over her body.

The rain outside of Maggie's house was soothing her, before she closed her eyes and feel into a slumber, Drew's face appeared and she remembered last night, tears brimming her eyes.

_Clare had left, Adam was pissed he didn't get to take her out. Drew and Julia walled back into her room and Julia sat on his bed. "I have to get her to not tell him." Julia said to herself, but Drew was listening. _

_ "Maybe its a good thing." Drew murmured, halfway happy that the events of tonight happened, besides Clare's saintly eyes having to see Julia riding him. Maybe I should move my bed? Drew thought. _

_ "What did you say?" Julia asked. _

_ "Eli will know, we will finally get to be together. Publicly." Drew said looking at her from his desk chair. _

_ "He would be heartbroken, I don't think he could handle it." Julia said. _

_ "Your worrying about him?" Drew's voice was angry. _

_ "Whats wrong?" Julia asked. _

_ "I am sick and fucking tired of having to share. You getting to go home and be with him. Him holding you, the two of you having sex. Your supposed to me mine! Either you tell go home and tell him or I am done!" Drew said pulling his hair by its roots. _

_ Julia was crying, hysterics. She couldn't believe he words, that he was finally making her chose. "I cant do that, not to Eli." Julia grabbed her stuff and walked about, listening to Drew's light cries and pleas for her to come back. But she couldn't, not right now. _

The rain was coming down as Julia road her bike back to the Goldsworthy, hopefully Clare would be gone by now. It was midnight and Julia could barely hold her eyes open, the rain was smacking her in the face as Julia peddled faster and faster. Before crossing the finally street on the dark road that she hated riding down, Julia looked both ways and noticed a car coming in the distance. She estimated the speed and distances and shuffled fast, as the car sped up to her. She was wondering if they saw her, they had to. The rain had became wild, her hair was sticking to her eyes and the car started honking. She hurried to the curb, falling off of her bike.

Eli laid gently on his bed grinning like a fool about tomorrow, something about being with Clare made him warm and happy inside. Julia had used to make him feel that way, but ever since the accident, he, finally ready to admit it, was falling out of love with her. He could see it that she was too, but she couldn't break up with her. They had a hold on another, that Drew or Clare would never understand. Being each others first love, sexual partner, made all the difference to Julia and Eli. Though they were both in love with someone else, the thought of losing the other person hurt like hell.

"Hey babe." Julia said walking into the room, soaking wet.

"Where the hell were you?" Eli asked smirking at his wet girlfriend.

"I had to go comfort Maggie, her boyfriend dumped her. You know her, she was in hysterics." Julia said smiling.

"Julia, your bleeding. Are you okay?" Eli asked walking over to her and looking at her busted knee.

"Yeah, I just feel off of my bike. Sorry I didn't call and ask you for a ride, figured you where with Clare-bear." Julia said forcing a smile.

"She left about seven. Its like two in the morning, Jules."

"Sorry." Julia said wrapping her arms around him and peeking his lips, nothing to passionate. "Let me change and well go to bed." Julia said falling to her flat feet and walked to their closet and changing.

Eli pulled off his clothes, leaving him in his boxers and climbed into their bed. "Hey tomorrow night, Clare got me Palahniuk tickets so were going."

"Who?" Julia said wearing a black t-shirt and white shorts.

"Extactly why me and Clare are going." Eli joked.

Julia giggled an unhappy laugh and crawled in next to Eli, who took her into his arms.

Julia was worried, tomorrow was the twenty second, Clare was going to tell. Julia bit her lips, and laid on Eli's chest.

The two teenagers closed their eyes, each of them seeing two different images, Clare Edwards and Drew Torres.

_ End of Chapter Four!_

**SOOO, I bet you thought I was going to kill Julia? Nope. **

** How was it, good or horrible? **

** BE HONEST. **

** Leave me your lovely reviews, and let me know. I would love to here you guys opinions. Please ignore grammar and word problems, I am to lazy to reread my work. SORRY. **

** REVIEW. **


	5. Chapter 5

Ecstasy

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi

Chapter Five: Everything Changes

April 22, 2009

Julia stood on the rainy door step on the house she was all to familiar with, a house she swore she would never return to, but then again there she stood. All her memories were falling down on her and she knocked on the red door, thinking about turning around and running for dear life, but the feather footsteps on the other side of the door froze her, gluing her feet to the ground. No one knew where she was, if she didn't return, this would probably be the last place the looked. She took in one fresh breathe, and the door opened.

Her lanky mom was opened the door and squinted at the bright light, a bottle of vodka resting in her weathered hand. "What the hell are you doing here?" she growled.

Julia was taken aback by her moms words. A part of her expected her to open the house up with open harms, but she knew she didn't live in a fairy tale world and sighed. "I missed you." she said.

Her mom let out a laugh, her fist drawed back and just like hold times, it landed on Julia's eye. Julia yelped in pain and fell to the ground, her mom stared kicking her endlessly, in the stomach. Julia begged her to stop, she cried and hoped that she sun wouldn't fall before someone, anyone saw her. But she wasn't that lucky, she's never been. Julia sat up, in a brief second, the glass bottle came in contact with her head, Julia blacked out. On the front porch of her old house. She didn't want to make admen's, she just wanted to get out of Eli's house so she could be with Drew, she didn't want to live with him. It would ruin their relationship, she knew that. He didn't understand though, thats what had became the problem in her and Eli's relationship. She never thought her and Eli would drift apart and not be able to last. But he never made her feel the way Drew did, he never would.

The night was young and Drew opened the door for his _date, _she smiled at him and they walked up the sidewalk. He draped his tan arm around her body and kissed her head, no compassion involved. He barley knew her name, but he needed something to take his mind off of Julia. So there he was with Bianca? He think that was her name, but he couldn't be one hundred percent sure. Drew felt her body come to a halt, he looked at her eyes and followed his glance. The person sitting on his porch was broken and beaten, but he didn't feel compassionate, he felt hate. "What do you want Julia?"

"Who the hell is that?" Julia asked.

"I'm Bianca." So he didn't know her name, he smiled.

Drew looked at her, she was holding her stomach, her clothes were ripped and she had bruises that he could make out from his porch light. "You need to go Jules. Were done, remember." Drew said grabbing Bianca's hand and walking past her and into the Torres house.

Julia looked behind her and tears started falling down her face, she begin to run. Down the sidewalk, through the yards, and across the nightly roads. She was heart broken, she could don't nothing about the pain. Drew didn't care anymore

Sniffling she sighed in relief when she noticed no one was home, she pushed opened the door and went straight to Eli's medicine cabinet, looking for the bottle with her name on it. She popped opened the lid and looked at the forty five pain pills that sat in the orange container, she took on out and swallowed it. Putting the lid back on she went and laid down on her and Eli's bed, waiting for him to return home. Wondering if he knew the truth yet or not.

Clare shoved Eli into the wall and laughed as he made fun of her shrieks. They had walked down the allies and a cat jumped down from a fire escape, landing a few feet in front of her. She practically jumped in Eli's arms, they looked in each others eyes, they were locked and someone had thrown away the key. Her chest was pushed against his, for a moment they both thought they felt something. Then Clare remembered the secret, the secret that would make him absolutely hate him.

She pulled away and Eli busted into laughter as they continued to walk through the dark ally, holding their new copies of the Palahniuk book.

"Hows Jules?" Clare asked.

"She good, been hanging out with Maggie a lot." Eli's tone was filled with disgust and hate with Julia's only family member.

"Thats good, you two better?" she questioned.

"Then ever." He said pulling Clare to the crook of his body. "How are you in your lover body?" He asked, trying to cover up the jealously in his voice. He was aware that him and Julia were falling apart, he didnt want to break her heart but eh couldn't deny the connection with Clare. He sighed as he continued to walk with his best friend.

"Were good, he's amazing. But, I don't know. Not really my type."

Eli couldn't help but smile.

Once they got onto the Goldsworthy block Clare looked at Eli. "If I told you something, would you hate me?" she asked almost inaudibly.

"Of course not Edwards, whats up?" Eli looked at Clare and noticed her puzzled face, he gave her time as they go closer and closer to his house. Clare didn't know if it was right, Eli was the best person in her life, the only person she could count on. She didn't want to lie to him, not anymore it. It had been a few days and she couldn't help feel guilt wearing on her shoulders. Eli unlocked the door. Clare being to speak.

"I understand, if you hate me. If you never want to talk to me again, but know that I'm always here okay?" Clare said, tears brimming her blue eyes.

Eli noticed and he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was, he wanted to kiss her. He was worried with her behavior though. "Whats wrong?" he asked concerned.

"Julia's cheating on you with Drew Torres. I walked in on them after I left you the other day." Clare paused, Eli stood still shocked. "I told her she needed to tell you, if she didn't I would. I gave her until now to be honest."

"How long?" he asked.

Clare didn't speak.

"Dammit Clare, how long!" he yelled.

"Before the accident." she whispered.

Eli knew he promised he wouldn't be mad, but he was in furious, he wanted to scream, but he didn't. He broke down, crying, falling into Clare. She wrapped her arms around him and let him cry. "I love you." he whispered in her shoulder, he was vulnerable, he knew that. But Clare's heart stopped as she looked at him. The feelings, the feelings she had felt since day one were coming to boil. She had been in love with Eli since she could remember, but she knew he was heart broken, the he was just saying that to feel better.

Until, he crashed him lips to her and pulled her into him. His hands on her back and hers around his neck, the kiss was perfect, passionate. Every joint in their body was high and sparking. Eli pulled away, and Clare sighed. "I have to go to the bathroom." Clare said running up the stairs behind him. He heard her footsteps and he smiled as he touched his lips. "That was amazing." He whispered, walking up stair to find Julia. Things needed to end, and he knew that.

He noticed his bedroom door opened and saw a shadow, Clare. He walked up behind her and soon saw what she was looking at.

A lifeless Julia, a pill bottle in her head with a jar of Jack in her other. No one moved, the just froze. At that moment, everything changed.


	6. Chapter 6

Ecstasy Chapter Six

I don't own Degrassi, if I did Drew would've started going after Clare by now.

Chapter 6: Goodbyes for You

Her body was stiff, like a rock. Eli and Clare just stood motionless, just staring at Julia in utter disbelief. She was lifeless, they didn't know what to do.

"Eli," Clare started, her voice full of worry. Eli gulped audibly. "do something." she whispered to her best friend. Slowly Eli pulled out his phone and dial 9-1-1, when the woman answered he talked fast and franticly. He spoke at the speed of life giving his address and the case in which he stood in, looking down at the girl who he had given everything to, she was corpse and he knew it. Clare moved to her best girl friend, Eli's eyes followed her. She pressed two fingers to the hidden jugular vein on her neck.

"No pulse, at all." she said not really talking to anyone, maybe to Julia.

Usually, Eli wouldn't believe someone who wasn't a professional, but he knew Clare and trusted her. She knew her stuff, he mom was one of the best doctors in Canada and thats what Clare wanted to be when she grew up.

"Are you sure?" Eli asked, tears brimming his green eyes.

She didn't answer, she just looked at him before grabbing her hand and crying to the person she should've treated better. Eli walked over to his two favorite people, the two who made him feel alive, even though Julia hadn't done that in a while, he would always love her. No matter what. Pulling Julia onto his lap, he refused to cry, he had already cried once tonight, that was enough for him. He wrapped his arms around Clare and let her cry in his chest, he never wanted to lose her.

It had been pronounced at 1:02 A.M that Julia was gone from their lives forever, no one could've saved her. Clare didn't believe on bit that nonsense. She didn't want to stay at the hospital any longer. She kissed a sleepy Adam on the check and glared at Drew, whose hands were over his face. He was probably crying, but he was the last person she cared about. She needed to find Eli, he life at 1:05 and it was now ten till two. She ran out of the hospital taking off for Eli's house that was a good thirty minutes on foot. But she didn't care, she needed to be with him.

Eli sat motionless on his bedroom floor, he held the envelopes in his rough hands. They were in his bathroom where Julia keep all her essentials. He just needed to smell her again, thats when he had found them. Three letters, one with his name, Clare's, and Drew's. He gripped the envelops, harshly. The front door opened and Eli looked up, the light footsteps on the stairs told him who it was. A tired and sweaty Clare stood in the doorway, trying to catch her breathe. Clare was the only person he wanted to see, besides an alive Julia.

Sighing in relief Clare let her breathing claim down as she walked to sit in front of Eli, taking the paper out of his hands and gripping them. Eli looked at her, she looked a mess but so did he. Pulling him into a hug, Clare started whispering. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't," she sobbed, "threaten to tell you." Clare couldn't blame Drew or Eli for this, especially not Eli. She blamed herself, Eli realized that with her words and finally broke down in his best friends arms. The two best friends, who feelings would go unnoticed cried over the grief of the amazing person that had brought them together. Gripping Clare's body tight, Eli refused to let go.

"I'm here Clare." he whispered.

"Forever." she agreed.

Two Years Later: Senior Year

** A/N: Everyone is a senior, Julia was supposed to be a senior. It is early September and school just started. **

Clare Edwards walked with her head held low as she shuffled through the laughing and cheerful students, trying to get to her locker without getting noticed. But that was something she wasn't good at, Clare had changed from the all-American girl to someone no one knew. She had became distant with all of her friends, Adam, Alli, and Jenna. Even though they had been there for her, she didn't need them. Or at least thats what her outer core said, Two best friends walked arms linked past Clare and she looked at them, missing being _that _girl.

The girl who always happy and smiling with their best friends. But Clare didn't have a best friend, she had lost both of them. She didn't have anyone anymore.

She pushed everyone who once showed an once of caring for Clare after Eli almost succeed with killing himself. She refused to talk to her friends, including Eli. She always hated Drew Torres, she blamed him for taking away her life. For taking away everything. She felt a firm body hit hers, a pain jolted in her skinny shoulder and she hissed. Looking up, ready to start a new war, she stopped her bitchy-ness when her eyes looked with a pair of green eyes that still took her breath away.

It was Elijah Goldsworthy.

"Sorry," they whispered in unison before pushing passed each other in different directions.

Eli caught her scent, something he had terribly missed. The scent was the same, even if the girl wasn't. And that gave him an ounce of reassurance. It was the same scent when he first met her, when he felt hugged her, when he first kissed her, and when he first made love to her. It was the night Julia had died, they both agreed to it being a mistake, but was it? Eli had thought numerous times. They were both lost in their own grief, the grief that brought them to hate each other. Though he knew he could never hate her.

He had gone through the day unnoticed besides to Adam and Drew who would constantly check on him. He lived being invisible, he wished that stuck to when he got home. It wasn't home though, he had moved to a knew house, a new room. He missed his tree house but he knew he couldn't be there, the house was haunted by a ghost he wasn't ready to face. He couldn't live in that room. Walking into History Class he slid into his desk and laid his head down, the night of him and Clare's fight resurfacing.

_"You're seriously blaming me!" Clare cried from her spot in the kitchen. _

_ "Yeah!" he yelled from over the counter. "If you haven't had threatened her, she would still be here! Alive! She wouldn't had felt the need to kill herself!" His face was hot and red, his jugular vein was pulsing, Clare's appearance was similar. _

_ "You son of a bitch! I did that four you? Dammit! Did you ever think about that? I didn't want you to get hurt, because all I ever fucking cared about was your fucking happiness!" She had emphasized the 'you' words and he knew she was right, but he was to pissed, to hurt to give up. _

His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Drew Torres. He had forgiven him, because Julia wasn't the only who had fallen in love with someone else. Eli and the Torres' boys grieved together once Clare was out of the picture. They were close. Adam was the protecting one always making sure Eli was okay, and Drew was the sorry one knowing that he didn't just lose Julia he also lost Clare. Though they were both understanding and good friends, they would never replace Clare. His first best friend.

Eli sighed, the memory still fresh, that was two days before he had almost taken his life, he was almost successful. Clare found him, she also never forgave him once he returned to rehab and to be honest he didn't blame her. Though he now hated Clare for saving him, he didn't try a second time because he remembered their promises, that they were there for ever. Even if they were enemies, Eli knew that if Clare ever needed him he would be there. And it the feeling was vice versa, because even though she hated him for not being there for her when needed it the most. She was still in love with Eli and if anything had went wrong with him, Clare would've been the first person there. No doubt about it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ecstasy**

**I don't own Degrassi.**

**Chapter Seven: Letters from Her**

Clare laid in the full size bed with the blankets pulled over her body, his figure breathing evenly beside hers. She turned away from his naked back and faced the window that looked out over downtown Toronto. Sighing at the beauty of the lights and the life that shined with every twinkle and flash. The boy next to her shifted and Clare looked over at him making sure he was sound asleep, before throwing her legs over the bed and searching for her misplaced clothes.

Replacing her clothes in the right places she wondered when she turned into this girl, who sleep around with guys she didn't know, who wore nothing but black and dark grays, the girl who had abandoned her best friend in his greatest time of need. Though he thought he was the reason Clare wasn't talking to him, he was wrong. It had been two days after their worst fight, Clare wouldn't have gone over there unless something was wrong. She needed to talk to him to be in his comfort but when she found him, her heart broke into a million pieces. A third person in her life had almost killed themselves. She didn't understand it, take the easy way out. And quite frankly it pissed her off.

Walking out of his apartment building she headed back to her car parked down the road. Their relationship was a secret she didn't want no one to know that she was just with him so she wasn't alone. She didn't want them to know he did, indeed love her. Because she knew she would never, could never, love him back. Because he wasn't Eli.

As he walked through the halls of Degrassi he searched for Adam and Drew, knowing that they had both had dates with Fiona and Alli last night. They had been excited to finally find girls they could see something in. Eli, feeling jealous had set himself up for the praise of their new girl friends and the feeling of being a fifth wheel. They boys had tried to hook their friend up with many girls, multiple times but it was the same thing for Eli, boring. He could never be in a serious relationship with someone because that girl would never be Clare.

To everyone on the outside, Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy _hated _each other. People blamed it on Clare loving Eli but him being to caught up in Julia. Others blamed Eli for being selfish and trying to take another person out of Clare's life. But no one knew the real truth, that as much as their facade read hatred, they couldn't hate each other. Though Clare resented Eli for not being there like he had promised so many times and Eli loathed Clare for saving him. They could never hate each other, because deep down inside of their bodies, they were still two best friends that had fallen in love.

Walking out of the school and into the parking lot, Eli glanced over his shoulder and saw Clare hanging out under a tree with Ftiz and Bianca, two people he didn't approve of. At all. Ignoring the ping of jealously in his core, he pulled his car keys out of his pocket and unlocked Morty, his hearse both Julia and Clare had helped him pick him out. After he had drove him to school the first day he got him, rumors flooded that Elijah Goldsworthy was obsessed with death. He didn't deny or accept the rumors, he just ignored the words. Starting the engine he being his sort drive home.

Ignoring the smiles of Cece and Bullfrog he walked up to his room and slammed his door, the mess captivating him immediately. Letting the back of his legs hit the edge of his bed, he collapsed on the queen size bed and looked at the ceiling. Blackness taking over as he closed his eyes and starting humming the tunes of his new favorite song. He was almost in a light slumber when he heard something fall from the top shelf of his cluttered book case. He opened his eyes and lifted a dark eyebrow while pushing his hair away from his face.

"What the hell?" he said aloud to himself before standing up from his bed and kicking through the mess.

Bending over he picked up medium size black box and falling back into his desk chair. He didn't remember this box? Then again he didn't unpack his room, his parents did. It had also been nearly two years sine he seen half the stuff in his room. Opening the box, he hesitantly picked up the three letters.

_Eli_

_ Clare_

_ Andrew_

He remembered the letters, he remembered finding them in his old bathroom, he also remember hiding them from himself. How had they fallen? Eli thought. Curiosity was getting the best of him, as he ripped opened the first envelope, to Drew.

Reluctantly he began to read it.

_Dear Andrew, _

_ If you're reading this then I had been successful with my suicide. Sorry about that. I know you must be going through a hard time, losing me after the biggest fight of our whole "relationship." I just wanted to fill you in on two things, I loved you. More then I've ever loved anyone. Don't get me wrong, Eli was my first love, first everything but he wasn't you. And I wasn't Clare. They were made for each other, and I know it. I just need you to get them together for me. Please. _

_ Second, seeing you with Bianca, had broke my heart. You were the last person to see me Drew. My ripped up clothes, my bruises and cuts. And what did you tell me to do? You told me to leave and that we were done. I wasn't done. I would've never given up on you Drew. But I can't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself because this isn't your fault. Nor is it Eli's or Clare's. It was mine and mine only. _

_ I just wanted to leave you with a final good-bye and say that I love you Andrew Torres, I always have and always will. Move on and be happy with someone you feel you see a future with. Because I wont be in it no more. I love you Drew. _

_ Jules._

Eli felt his hands clenching the letter had his love for Clare been that obvious? And what about _bruises and cuts? _What the hell happened that night, without hesitation, he opened the second letter. His.

_Eli, by now you know everything. That I was with Drew and you at the same time. Not because I didn't love you anymore, just because we weren't meant for each other. Don't grieve over me and don't let me get in the way of the person you want to be with, Clare. I'm sure it took you a while to open this letter, to read it. Because you were hurt, and I understand that. But now, that it is open and you're seeing my writing. I want to tell you, that I owed you everything. For taking care of me and letting me in. And for accepting Clare for Clare. She wasn't the Clare I knew, not anymore. She wasn't a Christian, I never asked why. But I know she told you. _

_ I also want to thank you for putting up with my nonsense, I was bad on drugs. All of them, I always knew they would kill me, them or my mom. I guess they both did. I know you asked me not to go there but I did, you want to know what happened? She punched me, kicked me, and broke a vodka bottle on my head. I hope something happens to her. You, Cece, Bullfrog, Clare, and Drew were the only family I needed. I wished that you and Clare could have been together and me and Drew. I know we would've been good friends. I'm not going to apologize for being with Drew and loving him. Just like you shouldn't, never, apologize for loving Clare they way you do. And if you've lost her now, I'm telling you fight for her. Thats all a girl wants. _

_ It might be blinded for you and Clare, but for everyone else. Even Adam, you to are hopelessly in love. You cant help who you fall in love with? Don't push her away, don't let her slip through the cracks because you deserve to be happy. With Clare. Fight, Eli. _

_ I love you Eli, thank you for everything. Thank you for being you. _

_ Be happy and love Clare. _

_ Jules. _

He now knew the truth, why she killed herself. Her mom. Who had died last year from a failed liver, he didn't bother going to the funeral, he also knew Drew and Clare didn't. Deep down in all of them they knew her mom had something to do with Julia's endless spiral. He also blamed Maggie, who was in Texas now living with her Uncle because she was out of control after everything with Julia, and Julia and Drew was let out. He didn't blame her for leaving, he wanted to. But every time he thought of running away, Clare's face popped into his mind. He wouldn't leave her. A new picture popped in his head.

The _new _Clare.

The one who partied and became a alcoholic. She didn't do drugs, Eli knew that. She saw what had happened to Jules, she wasn't stupid. Eli had also heard about her sleeping with Owen and Fitz, which made him sick. He remembered a conversation with Adam, who let Clare go after she told him about Eli. He told Eli that Clare hated kissing him. That she was scared and would flinch away when Adam went to touch her. Which didn't make sense to why she was sleeping around with the two most scum bags in the whole school.

Because Clare had a past that only Eli know about. And he was so confused with her actions, especially have what happened with K.C..

He stood up from his spot and grabbed the final letter. Knowing where to go and knowing he wasn't going to read it because unlike Drew, who had gotten over his grief, Clare hasn't. He grabbed his keys and headed to the Ravine.

Clare sat in Fitz lap as they joked with Bianca and Owen. They were talking about how they loved listening to Justin Bieber when they were high and it was a mystery. "I'm going to get another beer out of my car. I'll be back." Clare said getting up off of Fitz lap, he grabbed her wrist and kissed her, passionately. She wanted to barf, but held it back. They were official now, he had asked her after last period today. Though she didn't want to, she knew if she turned him down she would lose Bianca, who had became almost like a best friend to her.

So the rumor spread fast, that Clare Edwards was indeed, dating Mark Fitzgerald.

Walking to her car, she pulled out a beer and looked across the street, a black hearse under the light, a dark figure walking over to her. A serious look on his face, she should've ran and hidden. But she couldn't. Because by the time she processed the thought, Eli Goldsworthy was standing before her once again.


End file.
